(because this was one of the longest dates in history – you might want to check out part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5 and part 6 before reading the below)
It had taken Dad a whole five seconds to ask me about a computer problem since my arrival. ‘I don’t mind helping him with his queries, but five seconds…? No hey Pete, how’re you doing?’ I thought to myself.
My body involuntarily let out a small sigh.
“What’s the problem Dad?”
“Well, I’m getting pop-ups left right and centre… I think I must have clicked on something, but I’m not exactly sure what… Maybe I should show you the PC.”
As we walked towards Dad’s new study (which had been converted from my old bedroom almost as soon as I’d left) I couldn’t help but notice a strange flicker on the wall opposite the computer. ‘What is that?’ I wondered, as I continued forwards.
To this day, that still ranks as the highest number of breasts that I’ve ever seen on a computer screen all at once. It was a sight to behold. I had no idea what he’d clicked while he was browsing around – but man alive had it done something bad to his machine.
Every button I pressed seemed to take me to another shocking video or despicable website, filled full of ‘women in my area‘ that wanted to ‘meet me tonight’. It was all I could do to watch several scenes of depravity and email some links home before beginning to fix the computer.
A new virus package, two cups of tea and a couple of hours or so later, Dad and I finally got to shoot the breeze.
“So how’d the date with Sky go?” asked Dad.
I didn’t quite have the heart to tell him that instead of going on the date as planned I’d gotten fantastically drunk, accidentally felt a girl up, and fallen into the breasts of another during a game of twister.
“Yeah, we rearranged to tonight.” I said, completely sidestepping the past 24hrs. “To be honest Dad, I think she might not be that keen on me anymore.”
“What?!? Not a chance! You’re a good lad son – and any girl’d be lucky to have you! I’m sure it’s all in your head. And hey – don’t forget about how good she was when you were going through the whole Jill thing.” said Dad, in a reassuring voice.
Images of Sky’s crestfallen face flashed through my mind. Then a few images of my ex girlfriend Jill popped into my head. A shudder ran down my spine. God in heaven – was I glad to be out of that relationship.
“Yeah. Well we’ll see eh?” I said.
The next hour or so was well spent time catching up with Dad and the recent goings on in Borth. Our favourite neighbour was still up and about, consistently deifying doctors who said his health would be declining years ago. He only ever seemed to go from strength to strength in our eyes.
Dad popped to the kitchen to grab us another drink, and I took a moment to sit in a comfy chair and look out of the window at the garden. That man did love his geraniums.
There was such beautiful silence in Borth. I’d missed the silence of Wales. In England everything is hustle and bustle. And a bit chavvy. Or at least it seemed to be. That probably had something to do with me working for a bank however.
I took a deep breath of sea air and closed my eyes. A random neuron fired inside my brain and I began to wonder why my phone hadn’t beeped at me yet. It had been such a hateful little creature the day before, but at that point in time – it was behaving itself. I reached into my pocket and pulled it out.
‘Oh how you mock me at every given turn’ I cursed under my breath as I looked at my phone. It had turned itself off.
I turned it on.
My phone powered up, and then there was a silence.
A silence, which lasted.
Dad came back in with a cup of tea, sat down and looked at me with a smile. “So what else is new with you?” he asked.
“W–” I began to reply. Then the little creature roared me. Or, beeped in this case. And then it beeped again. And again. And again.
Two texts from Lewis: “Hey man! Still up 4 golf today? Was a bit wrecked last nite!” & “Gimme a bell – think I just saw you at a bus stop – have parked just around the corner by the Co-Op, let me know is you / you want a lift?”
One from Gez: “Dude! Lewis and Pete off to golf – the trio returns!!”
And, because sod’s law just isn’t fair, one from Sky: “Just tried 2 call – got your vmail. Avoidin’ me again?”
I looked at my watch. Time had flown by again. It was nearly midday, and by the date-stamp on her message, Sky had tried to call nearly two hours ago.
“Sorry about this Dad, I need to make a couple of calls. Be right back.”
My head began to ache as I dialed Sky’s number in the kitchen. Her phone rang. And rang.
Eventually it went to voicemail. “Hey it’s Pete! Sorry – phone died – gimme a callback when you get this!” I chirped in my best ‘not my fault this time’ voice.
Secretly, I was quite glad that Sky hadn’t picked up. I was still pretty ashamed about the night before, and I didn’t quite know what I was going to say to her when I saw her. A day to think about it was a bit of a blessing really.
I called Gez.
Gez (Gerwyn) at 3am in the morning
“Hello mate! Waay aayyye!” shouted Gez down the phone. Gez came from Neath, and didn’t have a northern bone in him – but we both supported Newcastle, who happened to be playing against Manchester Utd today. I could hear the game in the background, along with the cries of his brother, Gereint, who was shouting at Shearer for ‘not giving 100%’, and Lewis who seemed to be laughing at how well the Neville brothers were doing against the toon.
Lewis had been a Man U fan all of his life – but we didn’t hold it against him. Much.
“F@£kin’ losers.” Gez said, talking to the television. “So what’s the plan for today? Up for a bit of golf?”
“Yeah why not” I said, “got the clubs here still – didn’t take ’em with me! What time were you thinking of?”
“Oi! Glory supporter!” Gez shouted at Lewis, “golf with Pete at 2?”
Lewis told Gez to ‘go somewhere unpleasant’ in the background, but agreed to 2.
“2 sound good?” asked Gez.
“Fine with me – Lew going to pop over in the Rover?”
“Aye” said Gez “after the toon kick his candy ass of course.”
“Sounds like a plan.” I said, laughing. “Do I want to know the score?” I asked.
“Best not, it isn’t good – we’re throwing it away – I’ll tell about the decimation later.” Gez whispered under his breath.
“Fair enough – I’d better get back to Dad before you come over – see you a bit later mate!” I said, ending the call.
I walked back into the living room and spied the half drunk cup of tea next Dad’s chair.
“Oh BOTHERATION!” I heard Dad shout from his new study.
As I walked in and turned towards the computer, I saw the second highest number of breasts that I’ve ever seen.
A History Of Great Mistakes 